I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
