You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
