she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
