I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
