Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
