i permit you to call me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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