Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
honey bunches of taint.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
