Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
