Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize