when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
