Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
foreskin is a definite game changer
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
