No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
do nipples grow back?
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