why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i dont even know how to be here
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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