I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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