I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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