nut hugger
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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