I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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