his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
