This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
