I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize