You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize