my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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