No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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