I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
