The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
