you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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