Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
