This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
