You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
