Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
