Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize