ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This show inspires me to have sex in space
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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