Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
