I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just cropdusted the office
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
