wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm at about main and main street
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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