i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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