thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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