You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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