Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
