i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
