I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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