So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize