how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
time to smoke my breakfast
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My feet surprised me
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