Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
