What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
