I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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