the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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