Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
