So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My ass is underappreciated
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
