I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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