you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
