Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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