I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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