he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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