The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
