on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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