i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
