Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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