Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
