So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
