I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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