Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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