Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
