Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
