Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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