I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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