you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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