I'm gonna have a badass scar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
