Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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