you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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